Squash That Little Voice. Squash It Now.

Perfection.

It's something I and many other people like me struggle to reach daily.  It's a picture of something beautiful and complete and creative and flawless.  It's something I want to be.

Perfection also just so happens to be something that is not possible for me to become.

That's why it's a struggle.

I want every blog post of mine to "wow" people.  I want all of my school-work to be done well (preferably without tons of effort on my part).  I want the Christmas presents that I've planned for family and friends to be exactly what they wanted.  I want friendships to be deeper than they are currently.  I want my relationship with God to be this amazing cohesiveness where I know His plan for my life at all times.  I want to be able to bless people with my creativity.  I want my clothing line to be a booming success.  I want to know exactly what to say and when to say it in every situation.

In other words...

I want disappointment.

None of those things are going to happen right away.  Some might not even happen at all.  The only thing I cause by wanting perfection is frustration with myself.  For not being perfect.

I end up feeling like I've failed something before I've even tried.  My blog ends up being without a new post for over two weeks because I can't think of something entertaining to write.  But then I realized... this blog is not about writing what other people want to read. It's a place for me to write stories about my life, my thoughts and feelings.  The fact that those might just entertain/intrigue other people is a bonus.  I love my readers, don't get me wrong.  But I want them to love me for writing about things that I love (...that sounded a bit Disney...sorry..).

I live with that voice in my head telling me that I should write like this, talk like this, act like this and I know other people hear and deal with it too.

So, my challenge for both myself and my fellow perfectionists out there is...

Squash that little voice.  Squash it now.  Before it becomes a big voice.

Stop trying to be someone else's perfect.

"Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly."
-- G. K. Chesterton

 

“Writer's block — so what? Write something bad. Just throw it in the trash can when you're done, you're always improving. That kind of writing is like doing a bunch of push-ups. Every individual push-up is not the important thing. On Tuesday you're going to think, "Is it really important that I do it today?" No, but the collective impact is. If you write every day, you will improve.”

-- N. D. Wilson

 
“Do not resent your place in the story. Do not imagine yourself elsewhere. Do not close your eyes and picture a world without thorns, without shadows, without hawks. Change this world. Use your body like a tool meant to be used up, discarded, and replaced. Better every life you touch. We will reach the final chapter. When we have eyes that can stare into the sun, eyes that only squint for the Shenikah, then we will see laughing children pulling cobras by their tails, and hawks and rabbits playing tag.”
― N.D. Wilson

 

 

 

Inspiration

George the Pumpkin's Tragic End

A couple weeks ago, my mom bought me a pumpkin at the grocery store.  It was one of those moments where she really didn't see a need to buy a pumpkin... but I was bouncing up and down and saying excitedly that we could name it George and pleasepleaseplease could we buy George, take him home and give him a theme song??

My cuteness won her over eventually.

That or I was embarrassing her...

I did end up singing "George, George, George is a pumpkin!  WATCH OUT FOR THAT GOURD!" till the end of our shopping trip..

Yeah. I'm pretty sure it was the cuteness....

Anyway, yesterday I decided that it was time for George to make a nice exit.  He had graced the center of our table long enough...It was time to disembowel him and eat his innards. (ha.)

Sooo I googled.  And decided I would toast and sugar some pumpkin seeds.  The recipe turned out delicious, even though I kindof changed some things ;)

 

Ingredients

• One medium sized pumpkin
• Salt
• Olive oil
• Vanilla (optional)
• Cinnamon and sugar (optional)

Preparation

1 Cut open the pumpkin by cutting a circle around the stem end, and pulling off the top. Use a strong metal spoon to scrape the insides of the pumpkin and scoop out the seeds and strings. Place the mass of pumpkin seeds in a colander and run under water to rinse and separate the seeds from the everything else.

2 Measure the pumpkin seeds in a cup measure. Place the seeds in a medium saucepan. Add 2 cups of water and 1 tablespoon of salt to the pan for every half cup of pumpkin seeds. Add more salt if you would like your seeds to be saltier. Bring the salted water and pumpkin seeds to a boil. Let simmer for 10 minutes. Remove from heat and drain.

3 Preheat the oven to 400°F. Coat the bottom of a roasting pan with olive oil, about a tablespoon. Spread the seeds out over the roasting pan in a single layer. Bake on the top rack until the seeds begin to brown, 5-20 minutes, depending on the size of the seeds. Small pumpkin seeds may toast in around 5 minutes or so, large pumpkin seeds may take up to 20 minutes. Keep an eye on the pumpkin seeds so they don't get over toasted. When nicely browned, remove the pan from the oven and let cool on a rack. *If you want your pumpkin seeds with vanilla and cinnamon and sugar, all you have to do is pour a little bit of vanilla and sugar mixture into the pan and mix it all up.  Then pop it back in the oven till their nice and crispy.*  Make sure you let the pumpkin seeds cool all the way down before eating!

 

-- RM

Currently...

Currently, I am re-reading Peter Pan.  One of my very favorites when I was younger.

I just rediscovered it thanks to a lovely friend of mine (Emilyann over at the nine tenths) who wrote a song based off of the book.

I can't stop replaying it and singing it and humming it and ohgoodness, she's amazing.

Rememberings

October has always had a unique smell.

The smell of holidays fast approaching, crisp autumn breezes rushing through me as I stomp on crunchy fallen leaves, recipes that have been put away till winter time making their annual appearance. 

These smells bring both anticipation..

And memories.

I remember raking leaves with my siblings in my grandma's front lawn all afternoon.  And then, because we had so much fun, the next day we'd rake her neighbor's lawn too.
I remember dressing up as some creature from a greek myth (Medusa or a centaur or a muse) and collecting enough candy to last me at least six months.

I remember gathering with family to watch the Chiefs play after church and eat chili.  October was always the month of chili.

Now I listen as my dad tosses the football around with my brothers.  One high-pitched laughing voice warning two deep throated giants about his "really long toss" that they'd better catch!

Now I watch and take pictures as the children I teach build leaf piles to jump in.  I may even join them.

“If growing up means it would be beneath my dignity to climb a tree, I'll never grow up, never grow up, never grow up! Not me!”
― J.M. Barrie

 

Now I sit.  Enjoying life for this brief moment.  Amazed at how quickly time has flown.  Frightened by the same thing.  But content to just be for as long as I can.

 

 

“Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.”

― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

Katy's Senior Shoot

 I had my very first official, not of a family member and not as an experiment, but a real photography session this past weekend.

I might have maybe enjoyed myself just a little bit...

We skipped all over, exploring Lupburg and its many camera-ready spots.  Hallelujah for living in Europe.  It is so very easy to find photogenic areas here.  Castles, tumble-down buildings, fields, forests, character-filled junkyards.  Germany's got it all.  And within walking distance, too!

When Katy asked me to do her senior pictures, I stood there, thought about it, checked my calender and then coolly replied, "Yes. I suppose. I wouldn't mind taking your senior photos."

Oooor...you know.  Jumped up and down, giggled, hugged her and said, "YESYESYES!! PLEASE! I'D LOVE TO!" 

Because I'm just that professional.

I thought I'd share (some of) the fruits of our extremely business-like afternoon.

 

(We interrupt this broadcast for a special announcement:  I just love candid photos.)





 

--RM

This Is Fall

Turns out, that what I described as "fall" a month ago is not, in fact, fall.  Even if leaves were descending...

This.

This is fall.

A drive through countryside bursting with multitudes of wonderful, rich, golden color

is fall.

Beautiful purple flowers mixed with the reds and browns of leaves in all of their glory

is fall.

Watching farmers work in their harvested fields, preparing them for winter

is fall.

The orange burst that can't possibly be the sign of something dying

is fall.

And I can't get enough of it.